Your Tribe

To say the last 6 months have been a whirlwind for me would be an understatement! It has been quite some time since I have posted anything personal or telling but let me tell you…2024 is 2024’ing big time!

This has already been a year of immense blessings, transitions, change, and a little bit of sadness. But…I can truly say, I am happier, healthier, and a lot more peaceful these days.

Let me start by saying this, if you do not have a “tribe” get you one because mine has been priceless. For those that don’t know or understand, your “tribe” is your support system,
and babayyyy, they truly came through and I am blessed to have them! My sister friends and aunties (or rather auntie) have been a Godsend during this time of transition.

They helped me pack up and move at a moment’s notice. They talked me through the emotional and mental abuse I had been going through (even though I didn’t really talk about it) and they gave me comfort and a safe place to land.

They talked me through those dark moments when I thought I had made the wrong choice, and everything felt ugly and uncertain. 

They held me up.

When I needed a smile or a laugh, they provided that too. The breakfasts and lunches and the kind words were all priceless. Something money can’t buy.

As I started writing this, I was going in several different directions. First, I wanted to tell you about the BIG lessons I learned within the past few months. Lessons like life is not promised so your peace and sanity are worth more than any gift or house or car. Or that returning the energy you receive is how one should move about life. Or even the idea that mental and emotional abuse is traumatic and that trauma can show up in many ways. Lawd knows it took me a minute to stop looking over my shoulder or to not think someone was watching me. Or to even feel free enough to have dinner or coffee with friends and not be afraid of what the outcome would be.

Yet despite all the lessons, I kept coming back to one thing….my tribe, those women. The people that came to my aid when I needed them. The people that held me up (not down) when I needed to be lifted.

As I said before, your tribe doesn’t always have to be family. Because I am very short on that. It is the family you create. Those people that are in your corner no matter what. Those people you can text or call at night and say you are having a moment, and they walk you through it. Or those people who spend the day with you hauling a mattress or putting together a bedframe just because they WANT to. Not because you asked them but because they know you need company, laughter, and friendship.

That, my friends, is your tribe and that is something money can’t buy.

During the last 6 years, I lost sight of that. I was alienated and made to feel dependent on my mate.

He almost got me. He almost made me believe that having friends or a tribe was a bad thing. Because I had “him” friends were not needed, I should only rely on him and his “friendship”. I shouldn't have to go outside of the "home" for anything. Not even car repairs...yes you read that right. I needed to go through him for car repairs on MY car! I couldn't even call or arrange a mechanic because I was going outside of the "house". 

Anyway...

No conversations unless he approved of them, no friends unless HE liked them, no real interaction unless I was prepared to argue or fight. None of these friends are really my friends because he said so.

Well…that was wrong. Those very same people he called worthless or not about nothing, came through when I needed them most. They rescued me. They brought me back to life. They helped me remember who I was and who I am and that I am loved, valuable, and worthy. 

Something I had started to forget during those 6 or 7 years.

Despite all my accomplishments, I felt less than, unappreciated, ugly, and undesirable (never let anyone make you feel that way, but that is another post).

Because I managed to keep a fraction of my friendships and created new ones along the way, I was reminded of my worth even though it was often hard to believe. I would have been in a much darker place if it wasn't for that and them.

So, you see, there is immense value in true friendship.

I know...this post seems a bit disjointed and somewhat out of sorts. But my intention was to applaud and celebrate MY tribe and to let YOU know that you need one. Even if it's just one person!

A good one, a solid one. One that you can trust, laugh with, and that uplifts you!

When times get dark, there is nothing like their support and their loving kindness. And as you shine, there is nothing like having a cheering section or being a part of one to celebrate the good stuff. They will be there when you are being great too by the way! 

A tribe is a tribe good, bad, or indifferent but they surely come through in a pinch! 

So get you one...or two...or three...I promise when you need them, they will be there!